I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
