Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
