fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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