I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
