that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
