hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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