Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
