I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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