Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
