youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
