I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I forget how to act sober
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
