Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
