Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nicole vs. Life
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
