that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
