you guys were way drunker than both of me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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