the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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