Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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