just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
