1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
