Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
