I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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