It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
