pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
