I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
