Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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