What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
