I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
