woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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