Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
