I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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