i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
