Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
