I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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