the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
