i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
