My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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