I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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