i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
