My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
