i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
