the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize