your thong is hanging out like whoa
If that was your dad, he is hot
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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