We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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