Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
