grandma shit on top of the toilet
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
