if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
