what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
