i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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