No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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