sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
