the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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