I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
