I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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