"it" just moved
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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