Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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