if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
