I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
