just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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