Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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