He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will be naked everywhere
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Randomize
