Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just cropdusted the office
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
