hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
