Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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