glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
