I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize