Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ambien. No doubt about it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
