Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
