But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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