well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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