I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
