I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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