also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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