Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
