Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
