I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
