The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
