"it" just moved
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
