What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
